Finding out more about my birth mother – part two

For those who are interested and who haven’t read the first instalment on my blog of my research into the circumstances surrounding my adoption, check it out here:
https://vindengrace.com/announcements/adoption-a-tale-of-two-mothers/

Zip forward 5 months and….

The two biggest confirmations in this search to learn more about who my birth-mother, Evie or Evelyn was, were the positive power of social media and the kindness of strangers. Sometimes social media gets a bad rap but, in the main, we have found it to be positive and supportive. Divisive times such as American elections, the UK’s Brexit and the ‘pandemic’ have sadly polarised opinions, and constant negativity in the mainstream media has caused people to feel stressed, frightened and angry. The outcome or by-product of this is that folks lash out on social media (a) because they can and (b) because they’re frightened and stressed.

Staying down in the Algarve for six weeks is providing a fantastic opportunity for us to explore the area where Evie had retired to when she left the UK. We had previously found out ~ 6 months ago from my cousin where her aunt, Evie, had lived in Portugal. So we arranged to stay only about 20 minutes away from there. I posted on some niche Facebook groups, one of which was an expat group, another which is a regional group for the area near where she lived. A photograph of Evie and a little bit of background about her and why I was searching for those who knew her yielded results within an hour or two! I had lots of post ‘likes’ and people commenting that they thought they knew her or knew someone who knew her, and they would get back to me! I was really pleased and so grateful for the kindness of people who wanted to be supportive and assist in any way they could.

Through Facebook, we found the son of Evie’s next-door neighbour here. It transpires that his mum looked after Evie towards the end of her life and even took on her cute dog called Bambi when my birth-mum transitioned. I believe the mother and son were also helpful regarding post-death activities / paperwork to Eve’s two nieces, one of whom inherited her home. (I’d had no contact with my birth-mother.) Another strange coincidence was that a woman from Canada posted in one of these Facebook groups that she used to come on holiday to a property very close by Evie’s house and it transpired that her uncle had sold the home to my birth mum and then bought it back again when the niece who inherited it sold it. Evie’s next-door neighbour’s son (still with me?!) even offered for my wife and I to stay with them and explore the area, but as we’re only 20 minutes away, it wasn’t necessary, but it was an incredibly kind thought and typical of the Portuguese we’ve met so far.

So we should be going to visit the area, see the house where she spent her retirement years, and learn more about her over the next few weeks. I know almost nothing about her in truth….. Stories about Evie picking up her (now deceased) sister from Faro airport on a scooter or moped are just the kind of thing that will be fun to hear. So far it seems she loved flowers, (her house was even called ‘house of flowers’ in Portuguese), cats and dogs and a glass of wine, (not sure in which order of priority!) all of which speak to me enormously! Genes will out…. I have to say I’m feeling a little nervous about meeting people who knew her. I suppose part of that is because they knew her whereas I didn’t, and I feel that I should, and one only wants to hear good things about people who are important in your life. Like us all, she was only human so I’m not expecting perfection. I know I’m certainly not perfect, but I’m hoping to hear pleasant things.

My adoptive parents Pammy & Freddy Grace set the bar really high as they were wonderfully kind and thoughtful people….. Once I hear more stories about her I’ll report back for blog instalment number three. Exciting times! Wish me luck….

Vinden with adoptive mum Pammy plus family Lab, Bruce.

December 26, 2020December 26, 2020

Adoption & A Tale Of Two Mothers

Having been told when I was 5 or 6 that I was adopted, I always wondered what led to that happening. A part of me used to wonder if I was unworthy so I do think being ‘given up for adoption’ (deliberate use of words there) affected my self-confidence.

My wife Eve and I trained as coaches and that, plus the NLP training all helped my self-confidence for sure. I recommend personal development courses for everyone!

My adoptive parents, Pam and Fred Grace, brought me great happiness. I knew that they would be upset if I searched for my birth parents while they were alive. My wish though was to meet my birth mother and tell her I had incredibly loving, kind, and inspirational adoptive parents. Mum and Dad lived a long time, both passing within a year of each other at 92.

After my personal development training, I started discreetly trying to find out more about the background to my adoption, with the intention of not trying to contact my birth mother until my adoptive parents had transitioned. Around 2007, the story started to emerge. It transpired that when my Irish birth mother was pregnant with me, she was living in London (where I was born) separated from her Irish husband, who denied being my father. I imagine it must have been really challenging being an Irish Catholic mother in the 50s giving birth to a child that wasn’t your husband’s, so I can understand her going the adoption route. What I wanted was to be able to meet her and explain that I understood her reasoning and didn’t hold it against her…. Plus I’d had a very happy childhood.

After my English adoptive parents died (2015 and 2016), I started to search via people tracing services and my social services counsellor for my birth mother without success. (Sidenote: I ended up counselling my counsellor about her teenage son, so the courses definitely paid off!)

I decided to apply for an Irish passport to make life in the EU easier post-Brexit as we wanted to spend summers in either Spain or Portugal (we winter in Florida). (Eve’s maternal grandmother was Irish, so she is applying for an Irish passport too.) One of the requirements for the Irish passport is my birth mother’s ID or her death certificate, so I asked a genealogist to see what he could find out so that we could obtain one or t’other. Bless him, after he found out online that my birth mother had passed away in 2013, a few years before my English parents (still with me?!) he contacted other members of her family by phone and so, within a day, I had new cousins! Quite a shock for them, which is another reason I held back from trying to contact her or her family.

We found out that my birth mother spent her final years in…… Portugal! Coincidentally, the country in Europe that we had chosen to register in and spend our summers! We rented in and registered for residence in Portugal in a town called Albufeira on the Algarve as they are very expat-friendly there and my Irish birth mother Evelyn, (known as Evie, one of my pet names for my wife Eve!) lived out her final years in Loulé, a mere half an hour from where we’re staying!

I’ve been corresponding with two of her nieces & sent them a link to our UK TV Channel 4 ‘A Place In The Sun’ episode, filmed in Florida, so they can ‘meet us virtually’ as I’m sure it’ll be quite some time before we can get to Cork & mingle freely. Looking forward to it!

Life Lessons so far:

* People often have very good reasons for their actions. Try to understand those reasons first before being judgmental or feeling you must have done something wrong or not been good enough

* Out of trauma (adoption say) can come good things, like wonderful adoptive parents

* Genes will out….. (Nature vs nurture) My birth mother ended up in Portugal and so have I!

To be continued….

July 6, 2012July 6, 2012

Internet Marketing – Lessons Learned: What I Wish I’d Known When I Started

Internet Marketing is a fascinating ‘occupation’ but like any career, job, it’s not without its drawbacks.

For 2 out of the last 3 years, we’ve been on holiday / vacation with 400+ other Internet Marketing colleagues, friends, acquaintances and joint venture partners. Spending a week in the winter cruising around the Caribbean tends to let down guards, enhance existing relationships, let you make new friendships and get to know not only Internet Marketing peeps, but also their families, making it a well-rounded relationship. (It can seem a little disconnected if relationships are mostly virtual. That’s one reason why we go to a lot of conferences, seminars and workshops, not only in Internet Marketing, but also in our other niches of Property or Real Estate and Personal Development.)

One of our fellow Internet Marketing cruiser group has just quit his J.O.B. in London and gone full-time into Internet Marketing. He asked the question, what do yo wish you had known when you went full-time into Internet Marketing? What life lessons have you learned?

The key findings for me with respect to a full-time living from Internet Marketing were:

Get a great mentor early on, not years down the road

(Many thanks in my case to Tracy Repchuk (below), Rich Schefren & Mike Filsaime in Internet Marketing, plus Jonathan Jay and Peter Thomson plus Rich Schefren again, in business and marketing in general)

As with mentoring, read about how others have achieved success, however they define that.
I’m a lead author and co-editor of the Amazon best-selling business and personal coaching book ‘Ultimate Life Lessons’, www.UltimateLifelessons.com, together with my wife Eve Grace-Kelly and our friend and former mentor, Tracy Repchuk. Jonathan Jay kindly wrote the foreword for us. 6 of TV’s Secret Millionaires, from the programme of the same name, are featured in there too!
Treat IM initially as a job: don’t go off in a haphazard fashion on different directions.
(Gotta watch those Internet Marketing folks: they’re pretty good at getting us to go after the next shiny object 😉 )

So, treat a project professionally as a ‘corporate’ project. Set goals, tasks and deadlines.
Despite being a former Project Manager, with blue-chip clients such as

WH Smith

UK Central Government (the Cabinet Office)

the NHS

J Sainsbury’s Head Office

Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs

National Power

the European Commission in Brussels (project managing the creation of the Single European Market)

NatWest Bank

Deutsche Bank

Robert Fleming

Digital and ICL

I didn’t treat my Internet Marketing projects as ‘proper projects’ as much as I should have in the early days. I’m much more rigorous now. (Our project management book can be found here.)

Focus & don’t procrastinate.
(Our Focus book is available here.
Our book on Overcoming Procrastination will be available here July 2012.)

Use tried & tested time management techniques.

Ensure you keep fit & healthy! You’ll be more productive & won’t damage your health.
Keep a good (for you) work-life balance. This way, you lessen your chances of burn-out.
(See our blog here for more tips on this.)

Outsource early on. (We left this quite a way down the line.
Now, we wouldn’t be without our VA (Virtual Assistant) & web development & SEO team!
For free tips on what to outsource and how to outsource, see our reports here.)
Work out what success actually means to you! Don’t go chasing someone else’s idea of success. Create your own vision of success. For our fantastic value online coaching programme, Ultimate Personal Success, please visit here.

I hope that’s useful and lets you learn from my early mistakes in going full-time into Internet Marketing.

Best wishes,

Vinden Grace

December 14, 2010December 13, 2011

THE LAUNCH OF OUR LATEST BOOK ON AMAZON: ‘ULTIMATE LIFE LESSONS’

OUR BOOK ‘ULTIMATE LIFE LESSONS‘ LAUNCHES ON AMAZON

It seems a long time ago that we started this Joint Venture (JV) with Amazon best-selling author Tracy Repchuk, one of our former mentors.

We established this JV on the first night of our maiden cruise with Mike Filsaime and over 400 other top Internet Marketers, coaches, and entrepreneurs, travelling around the Caribbean.

The concept of our JV about Ultimate Life Lessons is that of:

people sharing the wisdom they have acquired during their lives,
so creating a multi-authored book of ‘life lessons’ for people to learn from,
carry out exercises we provide and so embed the learning and hence change their lives for the better.

The process to create the book is:

we find experts in their fields;
make contact with them;
introduce the concept of the book;
show them samples of what life lessons we are contributing;
agree that they will contribute and set a deadline for their contribution(s);
progress chase them for the contributions;
create the book in a sensible order;
send the copy to the authors for proof-reading;
proof-read the whole book again for errors;
send the book out to authority figures to ask what they think of it, i.e. will they give us a testimonial if they like the book.

Sounds easy, right? Not! Successful people are very busy people.
Getting in touch with them is a challenge and persuading them to find time in their hectic schedules for your project over all of their other projects and those that other people are submitting to them for JVs is another hurdle, but happily, our fantastic co-authors loved the concept of our book, so they responded well. Nonetheless, the whole project took 8 months versus our initial estimate of 4 months, but then this is our first time of putting together a multi-authored book, and there are over 30 distinguished co-authors in our book!

We’ve been humbled and honored by the quality, success and helpfulness of the great co-authors we’ve assembled.
There are superb lessons they’ve passed on and from which we can all learn.
The coaching / personal development exercises will help to embed the learning from those lessons and assist people to make changes in their lives to get the results they desire.

Our book launches today! Here’s to success, fulfilment and happiness for all our readers!